Give yourself some grace.

The dispatcher/A type personality in me tells me to plan everything. 

I think if you don't have a plan, and you're not on top of things, then it won't work out. If you mess up, it's life or death. So don't screw up. That my bank account should have a lot more in it than it does...

The Holy Spirit in me tells me to work as hard as I can as if I'm working into the Lord. To surrender. That I'll make plans, but the Lord will order my steps. That his plans are bigger and better than my dreams. Don't worry about what materialistic things you have on earth, store up jewels in your crown in heaven. 

I pray I never loose my type A personality and work ethic. But I also pray that I continue to learn, to surrender, and take time to breathe. That I deny myself. :) 

Ah. Give yourself some grace. Life is too short to plan things and worry about messing up. Live freely. 

:) 

That's what I'm learning. 

Onto the Next Adventure!

The Gonzalez family has exciting news! We are going to be returning to the United States to do SERT Ministries full time! (SERT is the ministry my parents started, I'm on the board for, and that I absolutely love being the dispatcher for our operators while we rescue girls and chase down bad guys... Batgirl is alive again! visit www.sertministries.com). We could use your support now more than ever as we enter this new season in our lives focusing on world wide SERT Operations. Our time in Uganda has come to an end, and we will be arriving back to America soon to regroup, pray, gain SERT partners, and plan operations world wide. Here is my last blog about my time in Uganda, thank you for praying for us during our adventure in this sweet country! Please read my "Dear Uganda" letter below, and enjoy hearing the lessons I'll take with me forever from living here for the past 5 (almost 6) months. I hope you take something from my adventure with you too. 

My Dearest Uganda, 

I'm so glad that I jumped right into life with you here.

I am going to miss you so much. 

I'm going to miss your people, and how your people always greet each other. The way you laughed at me when I would say "I'm good." I'm glad I finally learned the proper, "I am fine" and little Luganda and karamojong greetings. You really do care how everyone is doing...I love the way you shake hands, and say hello to every single person in the room when you arrive. 

I'm going to miss talking like a silly muzungu in a fake British accent and speaking Luganda English; me talking too fast and my Ugandan friends saying, "umm...Maddie...can you please say that again but a lot slower?" I'm going to miss smiling at your people and them smiling back. 

I'm going to miss my friends showing up on bodas and in matatus for worship night, and singing amazing angelic worship songs from their hearts with your people's voices and drums lifted high- repeating lyrics after one another. 

I'm going to miss washing your fruit, and bargaining down muzungu tax in markets. You have the best pineapples in the whole world. 

I'm going to miss saying "byeeeeee" and the awkward moments of people constantly touching my hair... 

I'm going to miss my friends. I'm going to miss them so much, and them always being so kind to me. You taught me what true friendship looks like, and that a friend really does love at all times. Tears come to my eyes when I think about it. Thank you for welcoming me, you really made me feel "most welcome." I'll have my friends in my hearts forever, I don't like to call them friends because they're more like family. Maggie, Bolton, Ivan, Thomas, Kim & Ryan, Fulk Family, Paul, Sera, Emily, 60 feet staff... Thank you for loving me and living life here with me. My heart hurts when I think about being a part from you. I'm glad it's not a goodbye, but a see you later- and that we have eternity to worship together. I'll cherish our friend days and the fun we had forever. 

Uganda, I'm going to miss your simplicity of the way things are- and how you don't rush anything. Everything takes time here to do things, and that's so special. 

I'm going to miss the directions your people give. Like how your lefts and rights are pass this side, pass that side, and straights are stay that way. How your directions are "its just past the stripped palm trees and to the right of the banana tree patch up the second dirt road opposite of the boda stand that side." 

I'm going to miss your children. The way they appreciate every little thing, and the manners that they have. Even the ones who yell "muzungu muzungu muzungu" to me when I walk by, and when I stop and talk to them in Luganda the smiles on their faces and how wide their eyes get when they look up at me. The way their faces light up with joy, the way they are so excited about learning in school, playing with their tires & water bottles, and have fun fetching water. Their sweet small voices, and giggles will forever be on replay in my mind. 

I'm going to miss having to turn my water heater on 30 min before I want to take a shower. I'll miss the power going out, being free of my phone because I can't charge it, and not knowing when the power will come back on. I'll miss missing unlimited high speed internet, and ill miss missing chips and salsa and drive thru coffee. 

I'll miss my favorite banana boys at Italian market, and how they say, "auntie! Need any bananas today?" Buying them in a grocery store just won't ever be as fun. 

I'm going to miss saying "ah!" And "sorry!" to my passengers when I try to dodge potholes driving but it just doesn't happen... I'll miss my steering wheel smoking from a lizard electrocuting itself inside- and praying every time I get behind the wheel. I'll miss my adorable classic old little car, that I named Carrie after "Jesus take the wheel" because Jesus really did take it in a lot of situations. 

Yea, and I hate to say it because they can be really annoying but I'll miss your traffic "jams" too. And your officers wearing long white skirts, walking around with giant ticket books. 

I'm going to miss how your people nod and point with their lips; how everyone says "yesssss" and "I am telling you!" Or "those people." Especially the "thank you please," and "no please." Or "you are most welcome please." 

I'll miss washing the red dirt off my feet every night that has left a stain and impression on my skin forever. I hope my flip flop tan doesn't leave, and I'll miss them being my everyday shoes. I'll miss wearing long skirts, fishtail braiding my hair, and not even bothering to wear make up. 

I'll miss the long driveways, honking at gates, waving to guards, seeing mamas with babies tied on their backs with bananas on their heads, driving past monkeys, giant goats, and seeing cows at gas stations.

But most of all Uganda- I'll miss serving Jesus here. I'll miss hearing, "I am a born again, not just a Christian." I'll miss seeing preachers in the middle of the street, and sitting down with your people discussing scripture. I'll miss visiting village churches who have services in 3 languages and 4 hour messages. I'll miss worship nights in my living room and praying with the beggars when they come up to our car while we're driving. I'll miss choirs wearing adorable polka dot dresses. I'll miss road tripping 2 hours each way to M1 (children's prison) twice a week with my closest friends down a long dirt road and them trying to get me to eat "puppy meat" on a stick. I'll miss worshiping with the children at M1, singing songs in Luganda, studying the gospel of John with a sweet group of girls, delivering hygiene necessities, and listening to my friends preach boldly in Luganda and act out bible stories in karamojong with little kids. I'll miss chasing perverted American 50+ yr old men who are picking up 13 yr old Ugandan girls. I'll miss looking into the girls eyes at 1am and sitting on a street corner and praying with them and seeing tears roll down their faces...and having tears of joy roll down mine too. 

Thank you for teaching me so much, Uganda. 

Thank you for letting me be a part of your country. 

Thanks for the adventure. I'm onto my next one. You'll for sure be a piece of my heart forever. 

See you. Nkwagala. (I love you in luganda.)

Madeline Nadine Gonzalez

Kingdom of Heaven belongs to... Children!

But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."  -Matthew 19:14

 

I wrote a facebook status when I moved to Africa about 4 months ago that said this:

And well, my inbox was full of quite a bit of flack from some people about how I was being hard on American Kids. Let's take a walk down my memory lane, and you can see where my facebook status was coming from.  :)

I often think about all of the different children I've met across the world, and remember their names, their faces, and families, and I pray for them. I've met them at different outreaches/churches/friend gatherings, and they have different lifestyles, different living situations, different upbringings, different access to education... they're various ages, come from diverse cultures, and live different everyday lives... Let me introduce you to some who have touched my heart.

Al Centro, Guadalajra, Mexico (street baby)

Guadalajara, Mexico

Some live in Guadalajara.

Some are street babies, and have bite marks up and down their legs from rodents and bugs...

they're hard to get to smile. 

You can tell they haven't showered or eaten a full meal in a while...

and their parents aren't anywhere in site.

When you get them to smile, and give them a bite to eat, it's all worth it. 

Others live the American Dream. 

They have parents who drive fancy SUV's and nannies who take care of them 5 days a week. 

They cry when their favorite TV show isn't the one chosen, and can't sit still without an iphone in their hands, and can't stop crying without a pacifier.

Canyon of Tijuana, Mexico

 Some live in the canyons (former garbage dump) of Tijuana, Mexico. 

 They're handed to you by their parents saying,

"take them back to America for a better life, i'll give them to you" 

and you pretend you didn't understand what they just said in spanish, 

because your heart breaks for them... and they continuously try to hand them to you. 

Roseland, Santa Rosa, CA USA

Others live in neighborhoods with the highest crime rate of your city that's ridden by gangs. 

They came to America from Mexico thinking they would "have a better life" 

yet their friends ask you for prayer 

"that they would be protected when the bad guys in red and blue are outside their windows at night fighting with baseball bats and big knives" 

They show up week after week after week, rain or shine, with big smiles on their faces ready to worship and hear the word of God. When they go home with a bag of zanahorias, papa's, y tomates, for their family, they're so blessed and happy.

SERT Rescue Operation, Oakland, California USA

Some are teenage runaways. 

Our SERT Team works crazy hours and we find them. 

Some give us attitude and act like little rebels, others say 

"thank you for finding me and bringing me home."

Some are little girls who's mommy you found after she was missing for 4 1/2 months. 
Her mommy and her show up to a rescue you're on a year later. 
You get to meet her  for the first time and she says to you at 3 years old with a big smile on her face, "thank you for bringing my mommy home to me..." 
You remember why you stay up for hours upon hours, looking at crazy images online, and strap a bullet proof vest on in the most dangerous parts of America... 
to reunite families and bring them hope. Bring them Jesus. 
And it makes it all worth it. 

 

Sweet 8 month old little guy... NorCal 2008

Others are 8 month old babies who the police drop off on your front porch. 

They don't stop crying unless you hold them, because they're so afraid and confused.

Rest Stop of 1-5 in California, USA after Hollywood Blvd/Skid Row Outreaches

Some are "preachers kids." These kids are preachers themselves too...not just your normal PK's. They make older Christians feel like their faith is lacking, and challenge their parents in their walk with Christ everyday. They dream big dreams, when they pray mountains move. 

They believe, are excited about outreaches, and love to serve the Lord. 

Uganda, Africa

Some grow up in prison in Africa. 

They want to go home. They deserve justice. They deserve a family. 

They worship with their eyes closed and hands raised. 

They're thankful for bananas, and think they're a treat. 

They're excited about little stickers and toys given. 

They love each other, and are like a little tribe taking care of one another. 

Bugolobi, Kampala, Uganda

Others you get to experience them eating their first ice cream cone ever at the age of 5. 

And introduce them to the Lion King. That's always fun too.

I think about how many different kids there are. How many different ways of people raising them, and how many opinions people have about what's right, what's wrong... I think about Jesus, and I think about how he says, "the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." I think about how many parents cause their children to stumble, and don't hold them to the level of righteousness. I think about the young ones who have a work ethic that's stronger than most adult Americans, and I think about how some are fatherless. 

Let's love the children. 

Let's be more like them, as adults- lets support, care for, and love them. 

Let's not let our child like faith ever leave our hearts either. 

For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these... 

 PS I can't wait to have my own children one day, but for now- 

I'll keep sharing the love of Christ with little ones all across the nations... and taking care of widows and orphans in distress. 

Jesus Take The Wheel and the Tire

Jesus take the wheel...like literally. 

I've heard my dad preach a couple of times, something along the lines of this: 

When you see someone with a flat tire what do you do? Do you drive past them and stare like a zombie? Do you yell at them, "hey man! You've got a flat tire!" and then keep driving? Do you just pass by and not say anything? Or- do you pull over and help them change it because they don't know how? This is like sin. When you see someone in sin what do you do? Sin is like our flat tire. And as Christians, we need to be the ones who help people change their flat tire- not just tell them they have one and keep driving. And certainly not like the ones who just look and turn a blind eye. 

Well today that was me. I was driving down the road and was like "why is everyone looking at me so weird? I know I'm a muzungu and people always look at me weird but this is really weird..." Well- sooner or later as my drivers side started getting lower and lower and lower and lower... I realized that the tire was totally flat. Not only flat- shredded. I thought, "well- I'm just going to try and make it home....there's a lot of hills, but...I guess I'll keep driving until I just can't anymore." When I got home, I was in awe. It was totally shredded. My friend who lives with us said, "miss Maddie! Seriously!!!!"

I was shooken up because I really shouldn't have made it home. Like really. I guess "Jesus take the wheel" has a whole new meaning...I guess he can take my tires too. :) 

Dare to Believe

Do you dare to believe... 

Jesus can heal all disease? 

Prisoners will be set free? 

Families can be reunited after spending months apart? 

Jesus can provide your EVERY need? 

That even the worst among us can be forgiven? 

That when you pray your prayers will actually be answered? 

Relationships can be healed? 

That blind eyes will open? 

Deaf ears will hear? 

Ebola will be no more? 

Missing children will be found? 

Jesus can forgive ME? 

Broken hearts can be renewed? 

Mourning can turn to joy? 

Justice will be served? 

The orphan will have a Father? 

I do.

Be a history maker, a world changer. 

Abide. Trust. Believe! 

Identity

A little boy was asked, "what does Jesus look like?" He didn't respond with words, he didn't open his Sunday school picture bible, or draw a picture of a guy with light brown hair and blue eyes with clouds in the background...he responded by pointing his finger to all of the people who were in his apartment complex with shot up windows and broken down doors...these people were there bringing his community hope, picking up used needles and condoms that were left in his front yard, and feeding his family & friends. Preachers were preaching, worship leaders were worshiping, and children were rejoicing. (A testimony from a while back when my family first started doing street ministry...)

So I ask you friends. What does Jesus look like? 

If the Apostle Paul says to imitate me as I imitate Christ, and Jesus said, "sell it all and follow me and I will make you fishers of men"...in the gospels it says, "whoever looses his life will find it." Then why do we think about our lives and try to do more than that? 

Hmm. For the last few weeks, I've been visiting children who are imprisoned. Children who were brought to the streets from their villages to a big city to beg, and then were rounded up by Police and brought to prison- some as young as 3 years old. As I look into these children's eyes- they don't label me as "masters degree" or "double major." They don't know me as "Native American/German/Italian/Spanish/Mexican" what ministry I'm a part of, or what church I belong to. They don't care if my hair is brushed, what brand my skirt is, or if my eyeliner is on. 

What they're intrigued by is the bible in my hand, the worship songs I sing with them, and the bible stories I share with them. 

They run up to my team with arms open wide after we make a 2 hour drive. Most of the time they chase our van and before our feet touch the ground after we open the door we get lots of smiles and hugs. 

Jesus said, "let the little children come to me." To "deny yourself..." And most importantly "to love the least of these."

I've been told before that I need to get my education, and that I'm not equipped to do the ministry work I do. But I can assure you- if I found my identity in my work, in my education, in my bank account, or student loans....I can't imagine how many miracles I would've missed out on. 

Are you where the Lord wants you to be? 

I'm glad I am. :) be there. There's nothing better. 

Disclaimer: I am not against education, if the lord tells you to go to college, go to college. But don't just do it because you think you need it to change the world. 

Freedom

Freedom. 

A sweet word and way of life that I took so much advantage of in America. 

I didn't have to think about what time is safest to go get groceries during the day. 

I took for granted that I could freely drive my car whenever I wanted to at whatever time of day, by myself. 

I didn't think about how it's not safe to go to church on a holiday due to terrorist threats. 

I never thought that it wouldn't be safe to go to "Walmart" because it's on high alert due to terrorist threats. 

I never thought about having to step out of the car to get searched before you enter a mall, and that they'd look underneath with a mirror to check for explosives. 

I didn't recognize that you can't take a glass of water out of your sink faucet or eat chicken because of a typhoid breakout- with 200-300 new cases being diagnosed a day. 

I never thought about having to sleep under a mosquito net so I wouldn't get malaria. 

I didn't think I would have to help my dad navigate through a mob, and have 7 guys banging on our vehicle. Picture above.  (okay, maybe I did- we've been on a lot of crazy adventures together...;)) 

One funny one-- Tortilla Chips and salsa- I never thought that those would be hard to find (near impossible) and that I'd miss them. lol. 

These things can be shocking, and I'm starting to realize how much my life has changed just in the 2 months that we've been here. It's not a hard and difficult way of life, I just think that so many people take for granted the freedoms that they have everyday. I did. 

I'm still free, because I'm free in Christ. And I don't have any fear, because I know that there's joy, and victory when you abide in the Lord. I have reassurance in him, and my hope is in him. I'm happy to be here, and I'm glad my eyes are continuing to be opened more. I'm starting to realize the idea of what, "open the eyes of my heart" and "spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" really means- even though I have sang those songs infront of lots of people, lots of times. 

So this friends, is what I'm learning. And next time you ask the Lord to take you deeper, next time you sing a worship song, or pray a Psalm- check your heart and make sure you're serious. Because the Lord answers those who pray to him, and you might just end up having your whole world shaken up. It's a good thing, be ready.